Ten things that only happen on tour
1. You end up with more different currencies than a bureau de change. I currently have UK, Sweden, Czech Republic, Norway, Denmark, Euro, Swiss and Croatia notes in my wallet.
2. There is always a queue of people waiting on a toilet into which toucan pass solids. After a fifteen hour bus journey, there are always people running using their legs from the knee down.
3. No matter how down to earth you are, you will always turn into a diva. Anything that isn’t around when you need it, you end up bugging the life out of someone until they get it. Like cigarettes. I bugged our tour manager for four hours until someone finally drive to the shop for me. Poor me!
4. Stages don’t exist in any physical dimension we know of. There is always space to fit as many instruments as you need on a stage. Maybe that’s down to the crew or witchcraft, but you can squeeze loads of amps, drums, keyboards and guitars onto a stage the size of a table.
5. Guys can play FIFA on the play station for a long time. We are coming up on three weeks solid of playing virtual football. Watching real life football now, you notice everyone’s hands trying to move the players as though we have some kind of telekinetic powers.
6. Human beings can drink for weeks on end. Three weeks on tour and at least six beers a night is testament to the human body and what it can consume. Doesn’t feel to good in the morning though, so I don’t recommend it.
7. Everyone who has an iPhone is on it way too much. Myself included. All I see is pairs of eyes looking over an iPhone which reminds me of a badger making sure the coast is clear before leaving its sett.
8. Your head can take quite a lot of punishment. Tour buses have quite low ceilings and shelves, and I walk into them at least three times a day. No doubt by the end of this tour I will not be able to count to ten.
9. You lose almost everything you take with you. Some of the things I have lost, or have heard other people lose, is: phones, scarves, sunglasses, humidifiers, fans, clothes, suitcases, wallets, shoes, one shoe from a pair, dignity, members of crew, and on one very memorable morning, a bass player. I ended up two hundred miles from the bus. Even idiot checks, when someone looks around a room you were in to check no idiot has left anything, don’t seem to work. I have considered tying everything I own to a different part of my body so that I at least drag it with me when I leave.
A very special thank you to Ken Grand-Pierre for allowing me to use one of his amazing photos he took of us. Thanks Ken!